So, I just want you guys to know that I am having a blast working with you this summer. I came into this knowing that it would be fun, but I can honestly say that I think it will be life changing for me as well. I know I have told some of you that I am realizing that maybe I should be doing more with music in my life.
Yeah, I love to sing, and I am a sucker for good music, but I think I forget that I might be good at making/creating/enhacing music. Everyone has something they are really good at. I mean REALLY good at. I like to think that music is my thing. However, I get caught up all the time with comparing myself to other people. I mean when you think about the grand scheme of things, I am really just okay or mediocre. . .
Then I shy away from even attempting to do anything with music for a while. I can't say I don't deal well with rejection. I am used to it. . it happens to me constantly. In fact it took me A LOT of nerve to go try out for Smokey Joe's Cafe. I have gotten much more comfortable directing music and running sound. Those are pretty safe jobs.
If you really know me you know I just HAVE to sing. (Usually this occurs in my car, shower, and occasionally at church). I get so stuck in my day to day life that I don't remember how it is to do the one thing I really love doing.
Actually, more recently than you realize, I was doubting my ability completely. Who am I to think I can accomplish this or pull it off. . .who am I kidding?? I am realizing while working with you that even if it is not my day to day job, that maybe getting young people excited about music and theater might be my purpose. I forgot about how creative I can be. Sometimes I think it takes creative people being around other creative people to get the innovative juices flowing. I mean Kelly and I were writing songs. . .today Duray made me realize how much I really like to figure out songs on the piano. . .Austin and I discussed music composing software. . .I really need to look in to and follow through on these things. . even just to make myself happy and to feel fulfilled.
Okay, so you might be thinking, "What the heck Ms. Tracy? Why are you writing all this??" I want you to know that self-doubt is completely normal. Even people that you may think have it all together on the outside sometimes may be scared to death, or afraid that they will mess up big time in front of an audience, or even more dreadful. . ..their peers!! I am telling you that life is to short to not go for it. Ms. Laura and I were talking today about how when we were young, we really didn't realize our potential. We were so worried about what we seemed like to everyone else that we were in our own way. So the moral of the story is, GET OUT OF THE WAY!!! You guys are awesome, and I hope that if you don't realize that yet, that you figure it out before you turn 29 and are teaching a bunch of kids music!! {or whatever it is you really love to do}. Everyone brings something unique to the table, and if you are too busy comparing yourself to the person next to you, you might not shine the only way that YOU, and no one else but YOU can.
Keep up the hard work. . . I think you will be super happy with your results. I want to thank you guys for your dedication, and for helping to lead me to my A-ha moment this week. I don't think things happen by chance, and I believe that I am doing this program to learn from you all as much as I hope you will learn something from me!
Mad Love to you All!!
Ms. Music Ninja :)
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I just started reading your recent blogs; and I just have to say that there are definately times where I compare myself to other people and then I begin feeling worse about my abilities and what I am able to do!! But, now I realize that you can't always compare yourself to other people, like you said, because their light might shine differently than yours does. But anyway, I think you're amazing at what you do!! When I first met you at High School Musical I never got to work with you in depth and so I never knew what you were about. But, now I know for sure that you have a serious gift and you should definately persue something dealing with music; because to me it seems that you have all this talent and if you don't do anything with it it is as if you don't have it. So, I guess its good that you're getting back into the theatre with Smokey Joe's and of course Mulan! But, anyway I hope your fulfill your dream of anything that has to do with Music!!
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